Afterthoughts

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The mists of repose drift in more languidly on Fridays......Be Mindful!
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What Youth deemed crystal,
Age finds out was dew.
--Robert Browning.

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An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says,

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay', he says, 'It's all set. They're both coming for our anniversary and paying their own airfare!!'

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"France is a country where the money falls apart in your hands, and you can't tear the toilet paper."
--Billy Wilder.
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"The reason why the American male prefers a pretty woman to an intelligent one, is that he sees better than he thinks."
--Farah Fawcett.
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How much disgruntled heaviness, lameness, dampness, how much beer is there in the German intelligence?
Friedrich Nietzsche.

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Yarmouth Pye
A pye made of herrings highly spiced, which the city of Norwich is by charter bound to present annually to the king.
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Yellow Belly
A native of the Fens of Licoinshire; an allusion to the eels caught there.
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Yorkshire Tyke
A Yorkshire clown. To come Yorkshire over any one; to cheat him.
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--Francis Grose: Vulgar Tongue!

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After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.'

She replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'

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Let the lullaby of sleep bring you refreshment of spirit...Be Mindful...!

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Love All,
Trust a few,
Do wrong to no one!
--William Shakespeare.

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Arrived from my 'dear friend' in the 'Bush'; an Italian 'Crack' for your 'Tea'.

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi."

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A few more for you to savour...or.....
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"I did a picture in England one winter and it was so cold I almost got married."
-Shelley Winters....
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"When a dictator dies, a Swiss bank shuts down.!"
--Gerard Miller, French Radio.
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"The problem with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius but with absolutely no talent."
--Hugh Leonard (1926- ), Irish writer.

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Running the gauntlet..here, I know, but this comes from Francis Grose's, Vulgar Tongue! See how 'things were' back in the late 1700's - early 1800's....And today? Comments most welcome!

Welch Rabbit
[i. e. a Welch rare-bit] Bread and cheese toasted. See RABBIT.--The Welch are said to be so remarkably fond of cheese, that in cases of difficulty their midwives apply a piece of toasted cheese to the janua vita to attract and entice the young Taffy, who on smelling it makes most vigorous efforts to come forth.

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A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at the neurosurgeon's house. After a two-minute job the plumber demanded £150.
The neurosurgeon exclaimed, 'I don't charge this amount even though I am a surgeon."
The plumber replied, "I agree, you are right. I too, didn't either, when I was a surgeon. That's why I switched to plumbing!"

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Making an early exit tonight! The Writer-Muse beckons! When you are ready, may the music of sleep welcome you! I leve you with this.....
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"He who stops being better, stops being good."
--Oliver Cromwell.

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These are authentic comments made, usually in a satirical, sometimes mocking way!

Canada is a country so square that even female impersonators are women.
--Richard Brenner, playwright.
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America is a mistake; a giant mistake!
--Sigmund Freud.
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In America, only the successful writer is important; in France all writers are important;
in England no writer is important and in Australia, you have to explain what a writer is.

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Dog in a Doublet
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Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

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The Writing Muse beckons.....may the golden dust of sleep settle on you! Remember..

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
--Unknown.

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Had To Pass This On...
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Hope you haven't heard this.....

Two Statues In A Park!

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.
They had been facing each other across a pathway
for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them,
'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.
'He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.
After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel tells them,
'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?'
He asks her,
'Shall we?'
She eagerly replies,
'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you s..t on its head.'

------AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING????

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It seemed to me - for a moment - that I should 'Head' the post --- 'As Others See Us! But, The world consists in so many different Peoples and Countries.....So! I stick to the original; here's the next in line....

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"On the Continent people have good food: in England people have good table manners."
- George Mikes, (1912-1987) Hungarian born, British Journalist on England!
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"I fear operas and macaroni are their forte."
Lord Byron on Italians.

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"Holland lies so low that they're only saved from being damned".
Thomas Hood, British Poet.

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Flip
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Small beer, brandy, and sugar: this mixture, with the addition of a lemon, was by sailors, formerly called Sir Cloudsly, in memory of Sir Cloudsly Shovel, who used frequently to regale himself with it.

The Vulgar Tongue!

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"If you're going to work here young man, " said the boss, "the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm." "Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?" "Oh, yes, sir." responded the young man. "And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat." said the boss.
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Blogworld seems to be quiet; perhaps many are on their annual hols. Sleep beckons after a busy day! We might remember....

Growing old is compulsory; growing up is optional!
--Bob Monkhouse.

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Starting a new series of perceptions and observations of people as they see other countries; perhaps even their own. It was actually triggered by a description, by David Frost and Anthony Jay, commenting on an Englishman's definition of 'HELL'...which sent me scouring for similar perceptions of different countries of the World. To begin with....here is that description of 'Hell' by David Frost and Anthony Jay.....

"It is the place where the Germans are the police, the Swedish are the comedians, the Italians are the defence force, Frenchmen dig the roads, the Belgians are the pop singers, the Spanish run the Railways, the Turks cook the food, the Irish are th waiters, the Greeks run the government, and the common language is Dutch."
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Watch this space for..'As Others See You!"....

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This is unbelievable, but, Can you imagine working for a company
that has a little more than 600 employees and has thefollowing
employee statistics:
-29 have been accused of spouse abuse
-7 have been arrested for fraud
-9 have been accused of writing bad cheque's
-17 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
-3 have done time for assault
-71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
-14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
-8 have been arrested for shoplifting
-21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
-84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year
And collectively, this year alone, they have cost the British tax payer £92,993,748 in expenses!!!
Which organization is this ?
It's the 635 members of the House of Commons, the same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

What a bunch of bastards we have running our country - it says itall..
And just to top all that they probably have the best 'corporate' pension scheme in the country!!
If you agree that this is an appalling state of affairs,
please
Pass it on to everyone you know. !

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David's Sow
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As drunk as David's sow; a common saying, which took its rise from the following circumstance: One David Lloyd, a Welchman, who kept an alehouse at Hereford, had a living sow with six legs, which was greatly resorted to by the curious; he had also a wife much addicted to drunkenness, for which he used sometimes to give her due correction. One day David's wife having taken a cup too much, and being fearful of the consequences, turned out the sow, and lay down to sleep herself sober in the stye. A company coming in to see the sow, David ushered them into the stye, exclaiming, there is a sow for you! did any of you ever see such another? all the while supposing the sow had really been there; to which some of the company, seeing the state the woman was in, replied, it was the drunkenest sow they had ever beheld; whence the woman was ever after called David's sow.

--The Vulgar Tongue

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A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"

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In the hope that your week-end has gone well for you.....may refreshing sleep take you into tomorrow! Do remember.....

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake!
--Bob Hope!

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George (Dubya) Bush!!
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"However, they delineate--quotas, I think, vulcanize society."
George W.Bush
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"Oftentimes, we live in a processed world, you know, people focus on the process and not results."
George W. Bush
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Can you add any more from Mr George(Malaprop) Bush?

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THE CURSE OF SCOTLAND.

The nine of diamonds: diamonds, it is said, imply royalty, being ornaments to the imperial crown; and every ninth king of Scotland has been observed, for many ages, to be a tyrant and a curse to that country. Others say, it is from the similarity to the arms of Argyle; the Duke of Argyle having been very instrumental in brining about the Union which, by many Scottish patriots, has been considered as detrimental to their country.

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Visiting his grandparents, a small boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out. He picked it up and found that it was an old leaf that had been pressed flat between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," he called out.
      "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked."
      With astonishment in his voice, the boy answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

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May you drink deep from the elixir of sleep! Remember...

Civility costs Nothing and buys Everything!
-Lady Mary Wortley Montague

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For the amusement of Number Buffs...and the exasperation of Calculators....

7 x 7 = 49

etc.

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CUNDUM.

The dried gut of a sheep, worn by men in the act of coition, to prevent venereal infection; said to have been invented by one, Colonel Cundum. These machines were long prepared and sold by a matron of the name of Phillips, at the Green Canister, in Halfmoon Street, in The Strand. That good lady, having acquire a fortune, retired from business: but learning that the town was not well-served
by her successors, she, out of a patriotic zeal for the public welfare, returned to her occupation; of which she gave notice by divers hand-bills, in circulation in the year, 1776.
We might well conclude that the 'machine' was the pre-cursor to the modern mechanism of similar name!
By the way.....Cundum is also: a false scabbard over a sword, and the oilskin case holding the colours of the regiment.

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“A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

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May the sounds of silence lull you to sleep! Remember....

In charity there is no excess.
--Francis Bacon

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SINBAD:
Single working girl; i.e. Single Income, No Boyfriend  And Desperate.

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MONKEY BATH:
A bath so hot that, when lowering yourself in, you go 'Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!'

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Can You Add Another?

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TO BEAR THE BELL.
To excel or surpass all competitors, to be the principal in a body or a society; an allusion to the fore horse in a team, whose harness is commonly ornamented with a bell, or bells. Some suppose it a term borrowed from an ancient tournament, where the victorious knights bore away the belle or fair lady. Others derive it from a horse race or other rural contests, where bells were frequently given as prizes.

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What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

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May Peaceful Sleep Embrace You! I'm Just Wondering.....

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

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May not be 'New' to some in Blogland -- Others may not be as worldly wise!

SALAD  DODGER: 
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.
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BLAMESTORMING:
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
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SALMON DAY:
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
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Just found this while browsing around 'Curious Numbers'! Another fascinating encounter for me! For our Number Buffs? What do you make of this?

3 x 37 = 111 and 1 + 1 + 1 = 3
6 x 37 = 222 and 2 + 2 + 2 = 6
9 x 37 = 333 and 3 + 3 + 3 = 9
12 x 37 = 444 and 4 + 4 + 4 = 12
15 x 37 = 555 and 5 + 5 + 5 = 15
18 x 37 = 666 and 6 + 6 + 6 = 18
21 x 37 = 777 and 7 + 7 + 7 = 21
24 x 37 = 888 and 8 + 8 + 8 = 24
27 x 37 = 999 and 9 + 9 + 9 = 27

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BROTHER OF THE BLADE. --- A Soldier.
BROTHER OF THE BUSKIN. --- A Player.
BROTHER OF THE BUNG --- A Brewer
BROTHER OF THE COIF --- A sergeant at law.
BROTHER OF THE GUSSET --- A pimp.
BROTHER OF THE QUILL --- An Author.
BROTHER OF THE STRING --- A fiddler.
BROTHER OF THE WHIP --- A Coachman.
BROTHER STARLING --- One who lies with the same woman; that is, builds in the same nest.

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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron".
The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive".
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Had a couple to evening meal tonight.....overnighting, en route to France by Ferry from Newhaven, in the morning. Just scanned your posts....make up tomorrow! Sleep Well! Remember:

Add life to your days, not days to your life

- Anonymous

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Just came across this....must be many such curiosities, OR are they curiosities?

Multyply ANY number by 9 and the sum of the digits of your answer will always be 9 or a multiple of nine.
Example:
587 x 9 = 5,283; 5+2+8+3 = 18; 1 + 8 = 9

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I cannot vouch for this......

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Received from a very good friend....passing it on to good friends!

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.

SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

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BISHOPED or TO BISHOP.

A term among horse dealers, for burning the mark into a horse's tooth, after he has lost it by age: by bishoping, a horse is made to appear younger than he is. It is a common saying of milk that is burnt, too – that the bishop has set his foot in it.
Formerly, when a bishop passed through a village, all the inhabitants of the village ran out to solicit his blessing, even leaving their milk etc. on the fire to take its chance; which, when burnt to, was
said to be bishoped.

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Hope you have not 'bishoped' your milk this morning!

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A visitor  to a small Irish village commented to a local Garda that it was a quiet little place.  The Garda replied, quiet to be sure, we haven't buried a living soul in years.

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Have A Good Day!

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When the time comes for you to 'turn in', may you have a restful night! Remember!

The absence of flaw in beauty, is itself a flaw!
--Havelock Ellis

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Another delightful, very long-standing female of mine, now living 'Down-Under', sent me the following little tale in an E-mail. Seems like a 'Must Read' for everyone! See what's in there, for you!

On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was working late, and

Almighty God Tabernacle!!

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BEEF EATER.

A yeoman of the guards instituted by Henry VII. Their office was to stand near the bouffet, or cupboard, thence called Bouffetiers, since corrupted to Beef Eaters. Others suppose they obtained this name from the size of their persons, and the easiness of their duty, as having scarce more to do than to eat the King's beef!
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BESS or BETTY.

A small instrument used by house-breakers to force open doors.
Bring Bess and Glym: bring the instrument to force the door, and the dark lantern.
Small flasks like those for Florence wine, are lso called, betties.

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A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
cost me four thousand pounds, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."

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Have a Good Night! Remember: Everyone has a photographic memory. Unfortunately, some don't have film.

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My incorrigible Yorkshire friend, now living in retirement with his delightful wife, in his enviable home on the fringe of the Kruger National Park in S.Africa, sent me the following.....our sense of humour....funny but touching....
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SENIOR MARRIAGE

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."

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COCKNEY.
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A nickname given to the citizens of London, or persons born within the sounds of Bow Bell, derived from the following story: A citizen of London, being in the country, and hearng a horse neigh, exclaimed, Lord, how that horse laughs! A bystander telling him that noise was called neighing; the next morning when th cock crowed, the citizen, to show that he had not forgotten what was told him, cried out, “Do you hear how the cock neighs? The king of the Cockneys is mentioned amond the regulations for the sports and shows formerly held in the Middle Temple on Childermas Day, where he had his officers, a marshal, constable, butler, etc. (See Dugdale's Origines Juridiciales p.247). It says, the interpretation of the word Cockney, is, a young person coaxed and coquered, made wanton; or a nestle cock, delicately bred and brought up, so as when arrives in manhood, to be unable o bear the least hardship. Whatever may be the origin of this appelation, we learn from the following verses, attributed to Hugh Bigot, Early of Norfolk, that it was in use in the time of King Henry II.
Was I in my castle at Bungay,
Fast by the river Waveney,
I would not care for the king of Cockney.
That is, the king of London.

--Francis Grose in The Vulgar Tongue.

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An old blind man and his seeing eye dog walked into a store. When he gets in, he starts swinging his dog around. Upset by this, the manager of the store demanded to know what he was doing. The blind man calmly replied, "I'm just lookin' around."

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The latest arrivals in our garden....another colour...beautifully spotted pink...Very difficult to replicate the actual subtle shades of pink merging into one another! The spots seem to accentuate the colours...Hope you enjoy!
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Some while back I posted a foretaste of 'The Vulgar Tongue' and promised that I would return to some of the colourful illustrations of a particular 'manner of speaking'. I shall stay with this practice for a little while....starting from today. Hope some, if not all, readers will enjoy them....

BARGAIN.

To sell a bargain: a species of wit, much in vogue about the latter end of the reign of Queen Anne, and frequently alluded to by Dean Swift, who says the maids of honour often amused themselves with it. It consisted in the seller naming his or her hinder parts in answer to the question, What? which the buyer was artfully led to ask. As an example, take the following: A lady would come into a room full of company, apparently in a fright, crying out, "It is white, and following me!" On any of the company asking, "What?" she sold him/her the bargain, by saying, "Mine a...e!"

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A man and his young son went to church, and when they came out the father was complaining that the service was too long, the preacher was no good, and the singing was off-key.
Finally the little boy said, "Daddy, I thought it was pretty good for 10p."

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One day Jock bought a bottle of fine whiskey and while   walking home he fell.
Getting up he felt something wet on his pants.
He looked up at the sky and said,"Oh lord please I beg you let it be blood!"

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Answer to Q12:July 4th, 1776. The year being inscribed in Roman Letters! LJ came up with words which were apparently added later.....I can only come by the original brief inscription. None other attempted an answer. Thanks to all who had a 'Go' at the Quiz!

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The past week was a little experiment in keeping interested folks up-to-date with the goings-on in my day-to-day 'Life'---a mere glimpse, mind! I'm not the sort of person who can (or does) hold court about matters pertaining to myself; I would not think myself very good at it all...More inclined to 'listening'. Much of my life has been...and continues to be.. taken up with 'listening' to others as a result of which it is almost second nature to me to be doing that 'all the time'......
Not that there is no joy in 'holding court' sometimes especially when the 'right notes' are sounded; yet, it will be less of a personal nature, than of the exposition of a subject...
I am already finding writing this a little 'tedious' and suspect it may well be that...
So! The past week was indeed quite hectic...as have many other weeks past...and more lying ahead...Fewer guests next week! Now looking forward to the arrival of our daughter and her family for a fortnight mid-August....
Until then.....We hope to enjoy more sunshine and good weather....

Meanwhile......Hope you have a delightful Week-end whatever you may - or may not - be doing!

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There is this lady and she is struggling having a baby so the doctor brings out these pills and he tells her each of these pills takes away a quarter of the pain, but sends it to the father of the baby.

Two days later they come home with the baby and the milk man is dead on their doorstep.

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A hectic week is coming to an end! Home now from a 'birthday Celebration' of grandson....after having bidden farewell to Visiting friends in the morning.....Gloriously fun-filled week, in many ways...but it has left us feeling just a 'tad' tired. Hopefully, the prospect of a quiet week-end.....will restore energy levels.....Great Week It Was! Time to rest now!
I did manage to read 'most of the posts...' commented on the few that I could fit in...! Now for 'bed'.....
Hope you all sleep well...when you get round to it... Will catch up more on the morrow!

Meanwhile.....here's a thought for you.....to take along into your land of sleep!

Do not follow where the path may lead.  Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

--Unknown

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Answer to Q11: We have an extremely erudite Blog Community! Many got this one right.... The teeth were known, in Britain, as 'Waterloo Teeth', it being believed that the teeth came from the Dead at the Battle of Waterloo! Congrats...to All!!

Question 12: What brief inscription is carved on to the tablet held
by the Statue of Liberty? (Easy One this....I'm sure!)

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Friday!
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When the week started I did not realise just how hectic it would turn out to be; apart from the good weather we enjoyed -- until Electric Thunderstorm last evening -- we were on the 'move' constantly...very pleasant, no doubt, but for our, by now, rather pedestrian way of life, it was quite 'frantic'.....
Our friends left about 30 minutes ago.....just a bit of tidying then we are off to our son's; s.o.s. came last night....a few odd jobs to do, ' bring your tool box along'. We stay with them until this evening when we go out as a family....for little one's 5th birthday, 'family 'Do''.....probably a 'fast-food restaurant with loads of chips... What fun to be a 'child' again
So! No a great deal more to say! Will catch up with all your 'posts' when I get back tonight.
BTW.....I may not comment on all of them...BUT I have developed a sort of 'imperative of curiosity' to see what you've posted...

Enjoy your day...regardless of whatever....

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^^

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.'........So that was nice."

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SIGNS OF THE TIMES!
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On a Septic Tank Truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

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Answer to Question Ten: Most got this quite easily....Utopia: from the two Ancient Greek words....'eu' which is the negative....'no' or 'not' and the word 'topos' which means place.....hence....No Where or No Place! Congrats all round...

Question 11: Many 19th Century denture-wearers took pride in knowing their teeth were extracted from the dead of what great battle?

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Thursday
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Thursday!
Quite a busy evenin catching up on news – famiies, their and ours. Much has been going on since our last get-together; of course, we also had to be 'all ears' for the shenanigans at Lizzie's Garden Party! Now, Now! No rude jokes!
No specific plans for the day....will probably be going out for the Day! Decisions will be 'made on the hoof', I think! Usually the customary walk down to the seaside....and the weather does not look too bad at all. A rather pleasant walk along the promenade; down into Town (about a mile) and the other way, from us...(easily two miles or more).
It's our grandson's 5th Birthday today; we shall ring him later, but will not be able to see him in person, probably tomorrow.
Will let you know of the day's 'goings-on' if I get a chance to pop in here, without being rude...
Meanwhile.....Have A Good Day Regardless!

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The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o'clock in the morning?"

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Not  what you were expecting, was it??!!

What a  relief!  Now we ALL know we aren't overweight, just too  short .

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Answer to Q9: Denmark..(Danneborg)! Arctictern (Terny) was on to this one quickly; admitting to his familial connection to the Country - Congrats Terny!
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Question 10: “Utopia” is the ancient Greek word meaning what?

Hope this one is not too easy?

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Wednesday!
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All is set fair! Few more little things to...not lest taking an elderly lady – 94yrs old – on her regular week-ly shopping; not that she is ble to do much ambling around in the Supermarket, but she still wants to go along while we get her 'weekly shop' done. Usually, we end up at her home, sorting out her goods and spending some time there. It is more of an 'outing' for her....not that she does not get many 'outings' – we get her out at least three times a week.....
However, then its back home here...where we await our guests who are due to arrive around 4 p.m. From then onwards we shall be in full attendance – there will, of course, be the occasional 'slipping away, for me to keep track of the 'goings-on' in blogland. I love to keep in touch, so that I don't miss a lot of very important 'stuff'.
So! Be 'seeing' you..........(Hopefully!)

Have A Good Day Regardless!

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Teacher: Joey, if you put your hand in one pants pocket and found 75 cents, then you put your other hand in your other pants pocket and found 50 cents, what would you have?
Joey: I'd have somebody else's pants on!

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There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

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This is a real conundrum!
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Answer to Q8: Lazy Susan! Congrats all round! Most got it! Lostjohnny was in first! Congrats LJ!

Question 9: : What (or if you like Which) is the world's oldest National Flag?

Shouldn't be too difficult!

Tuesday!
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Errands and 'Prep' day -- today! Many to run...and quite a bit to re-organise before the arrival of our first visitors this month - (We don't count the family as visitors. Having down-sized to a Garden Flat we have o double up our 'work-room' for sleeping accommodation; thus re-arrangement.
The couple coming are very old friends from our Yorkshire days; they still live there. They are tending the 'Queen's Garden Party' today - the sort of thing that does not really appeal to me...(Ahem1!). She got the invite through her work...I believe. However, that is where they are today - hopefully the weather holds fair for them. I wouldn't like their Cucumber Sandwiches to get too soaked.
Any roads (as they say in Yorkshire)....errands and prep beckons.....
Note: Son's 'Stuff' arrive from Milan today - we're leaving them to it; will see them later this week.!
So! Enjoy Your Day Regardless!!!

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A policeman pulled a female driver over and asked to see her license. After looking it over, he said to her, "Lady, it stipulates here on your license that you should be wearing glasses." "Well, I have contacts," the woman replied. "Look lady, I don't care who you know," snapped the officer. "You're getting a ticket."

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Have A Good Day!

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There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

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Just in from my Yorkshire friend now living (retired) on the edge of the Kruger National Park, in S.Africa! Had to post you one....maybe another..elsewhere...
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Answer to Q7: Your Nose! Tom was on to it in a flash! Congrats! Others got it as well....opting to 'go' with Tom, is usually a good bet!
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Question 8:What is a round, revolving tray on a dining table called? --Easy!

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Monday!
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Thought I'd change tact a bit and pen the plans for this week....daily..as they come up! Have a good idea of what lies ahead, but will keep readers up-to-date.....So!
We're off soon for my son's place which is getting a 'real clean-up) in time for the arrival of their 'stuff' from Milan, tomorrow. Much of the interior 'redec' is complete; very energetic D-I-L wanted to re-do all the upstairs rooms....ably abetted by the elder 10 yr-old son and his dad...when he was around...not at work.
Wife and I have been very active in their garden...clearing up and preparing the back garden for 'lawn to be laid'; they need space for the children to play...little girl has just turned one...and the other son is five....So! Grandad and Grandma are expending plenty energy attending to the outside.....
We try to get on the road back home before 'rush-hour' - that means around 4 p.m. soon after the boyrs have got back from school. Grandma won't leave before that....
The weather is dull....not too cold....hopefully 'Brother Sun' will decide to put in an appearance later....
Meanwhile.......Enjoy your day, regardless...

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Two robbers raided the bank; one of them pointing the gun to the cashier said, "Give me all your money, or you'll be GEOGRAPHY!" The cashier laughed and said, "You mean to say 'HISTORY.'" The robber answered, "Don't change the subject." 

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Have A Good Day!

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How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
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How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
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Even if there are variations elsewhere -- I'm sure there will be -- this one reflects the sort of self-deprecating Humour one finds out there......

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A South African was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was his turn. He rolled the dice and he landed on Science & Nature. His question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
The South African thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

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Answer To Q6: Asbestos. I did say some of you would be surprised. Don't think any approximated close enough.....Good Luck with the next one....

Question 7: What humidifies and filters approximately 500 cubic feet of air each day?
(Under normal operating conditions)

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This image represents the essence of my memories from my first visit to Robben Island a few miles off Cape Town, in South Africa! My first sortie there after the memorable date of February, 1990. This image says it all...it is the metal door to the Cell home of Nelson Mandela, on the Island for over 20 years.....
If you want to know more about the Island...treat yourself to checking on-line.....
When I got to this metal door......I could not speak for my 'emotion'.....Seeing the image always reminds me of that day.
I did have the honour of meeting the great man....BEFORE he was incarcerated on the Island!
That's it, for Now! We are grateful for His Life......for the 'Man'!

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Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Ireland. One is holding a cross and the other a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money into the hat of the man with the cross. Soon, the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty.
      A priest watches for a while and then approaches the men. He says to the man with the Star of David, "Don't you realize that this is a Catholic country? You'll never get any contributions holding a Star of David."
      The man turns to the one with the cross and says, "Moishe, can you imagine, this goy is trying to tell us how to run our business?"

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Have you heard about the lecherous   Jock who lured a girl up to his attic to see his etchings?
He sold her four of them.

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Took these earlier this week with my automatic camera; there was some thin drifting cloud around.....No claim to any expertise; just thought I wanted to post these here...any comment most welcome! No! I'm not subject to 'Her' vagaries
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Answer to Q5!Lissa was 'spot on' with the answers;
January - Janus
March - Mars
April - From the Latin....Aperta/Aperto -- To open...(Presumably spring).

COMPUTER AGE: Remember When...
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　Computer was something on TV from a science fiction show.
　　A window was something you hated to clean.
　　　And ram was the cousin of a goat.
　　MEG was the name of my girlfriend and GIG was your middle finger upright,
　Now they all mean different things and that really Mega bytes.
　An application was for employment,
　　a program was a TV show,
　　　a cursor used profanity,
　　　　a keyboard was a piano.
　　　　　Memory was something that you lost with age,
　　　　a CD was a bank account,
　　　and if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy,
　　you hoped nobody found out.
　Compress was something you did to the garbage,
　　not something you did to a file,
　　　and if you unzipped anything in public you'd be in jail for a while.
　　　　Log on was adding wood to the fire,
　　　　　Hard Drive was a long trip on the road,
　　　　　　a mouse pad was where a mouse lived,
　　　　　　　and a backup happened to your commode.
　　　　　　Cut you did with a pocket knife,
　　　　　paste you did with glue,
　　　　a web was a spider's home,
　　　and a virus was the flu.
　　I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper,
　　　and the memory in my head,
　　　　I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash,
　　　　　but when it happens they wish they were dead.
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--Apologies! Don't know the source of this! Sent to me a friend!

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Jim said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He asked "How flexible are you?" Jim replied, "I can't come on Tuesdays".

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Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
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When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
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Alarms: what an octopus is.

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This picture was taken from our car....animal was about ten feet away.....Lean and Hungry Look!
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Answer To Q4: To keep food from freezing! Tom was first in with a homely answer: To keep the food warm! Several others approximated to the answer! I liked SJ's down-to-earth reply, as well! Congrats!
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Question 5.

What month was named for...
--An ancient deity who presided over doors and gates...
--The Roman god of war
--The Latin word for 'to open'

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Kruger National Park!

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Two Irishmen had just won €5000,000 in a lottery. Having a pint in a pub Tim say to Sean, what about all them beggin letters, Sean replies, we'll just keep sending them.

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Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it
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What is a 'free' gift? Aren't all gifts free?
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If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
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Answer To Q3! Your HAND! Correctly answered by Tom...who also added that next after the hand.....The Calf! Congrats Tom!

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Question Four (Nice short One).

Why do many Eskimos buy refrigerators?

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This is quite an experience! These birds have a helluva 'kick' and very little respect for what is in sight -- as far as its appetite is concerned. It will eat ANYTHING.....Even peck those sunglasses..or any other glasses...off your face or from your hand...Even bottles are not exempt from attack!
Don't get on the 'wrong' side of this bird - only one thing keeps it calm: Cover its head! Literally!
Penned, one can even sit on it.....
Even have a 'Go' at racing it against another.....
Fancy your chances?
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One night I was chatting with my Mum about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years: "When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a penny, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance." 

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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
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Guten Nacht!

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I may not be alone in being a two-fingered keyboard man.....but, know not if this is the reason why some of my letters on my laptop keyboard are beginning to fade...parts already worn out....Letters affected already: R, T, O, D, N......I'm sure there are some 'nerds' among my 'buddies' who can throw some light on the problem....How can I remedy the problem?
PLEASE?????

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What part of the body has the greatst capacity to cool itself, giving off up to 63.5 Btu's of heat per hour? (Hint: The head only radiates about 15.9 Btu/hr)

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I have always wanted to indulge in reminiscing about my recent visits to South Africa - post February, 1990; until now I have always deferred, until my happening on some pictures this morning and decided to link my recollections with some pics....starting with this one, taken when we were staying with some very good friends in Durban, January, '07.
A visit into the Valley of a Thousand Hills brought us to some very unspoilt area of the erstwhile Natal - now Kwa-Zulu Natal. Beauty of sub-tropical Nature where people tried to re-capture some of the old cultural traditions....a valuable practice for re-enforcing one's cultural identity.
The picture was taken in a 'Reproduction Zulu Village', huts, implements, dress-wear, and the like...all designed to present a 'reality' picture of Life some 300 years ago....These women lived quite ordinary lives in nearby Durban, but they get to this 'Pageant' when it is their turn to put on a demonstration....
Great fun...and a tremendous learning experience...to move among them...and see what life was like...so many years ago. The lasses are of different ages...the one holding the 'stick' near the drum is about 14 yrs old - others are a little older.
Great to be there.......Will post one of the men-folk soon!

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I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He asked "How flexible are you?" I replied, "I can't come on Tuesdays".

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Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

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Thanks for that delightful little to-ing and fro-ing; the question should have been more specifically framed thus....

What game's tiles were, originally, solely made of Bavarian maple wood from Germany's Black Forest – used because the close grain of the wood prevents scratches?

The answer can only be Scrabble!

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Answer To One! --- A Sneeze! Several got it right; even knew the name in another language! Well Done!
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Today's One!

What game's tiles are made solely of Bavarian maple wood from Germany's Black Forest – used because the close grain of the wood prevents scratches?

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I'm trying to understand what makes people behave the way they do despite being made aware of the consequences of their actions....for themselves...BUT especially for OTHERS!!! What particularly 'riles' me - and not many things do that - is the persistence of drivers in using their mobile phones, hand-held, while driving....moreso when turning their steering wheels!
Probably as bad as, if not worse than 'drunk driving'....
Are both actions not illegal?

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A CAT NAMED LUCKY...

W R O N G!
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Meet Lucky

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Top Of The Morning To You!
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A boasting American said to O'Connor, back in the States we can erect a block of skyscrapers in about 2 weeks.  O'Conner replied, we can start a row of houses in the morning and on the way home from work the bailiffs will be putting the tenants out for being behind with the rent.

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Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.

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It was once believed that at the occurrence of a particularly common event that one's soul was expelled, and that at that moment a demon could enter and take control of the body, what is this natural event which still evokes a blessing from those nearby?

--If you haven't guessed...answer tomorrow!

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The perceptive will have noticed a slight change in my first post of the day - A Breakfast Corny Crack! Just another experimental innovation, seeking to ring the changes. I hope to greet Blogland -- especially my good friends -- with 'Good Morning' in a different Language each morning.....taking a lead from my dear friend, Antlady's Tweets!
I have very fond memories of listening to early morning Radio back in South Africa, when there was a special slot each day at 07.25 for a 'Breakfast Corny Crack'.....It's title presumably would have come from the Sponsor.....a certain manufacturer of 'Corn Flakes'.....
The time...and the 'Crack' was a sort of 'Cut Off' point for my having to leave for School - during my stint as High School Teacher......There was no guarantee that the 'Crack' was always 'good'.......BUT it WAS the 'Crack' that mattered!
So! I shall give it a 'Go'....EXCEPT.....the 'Crack' won't be coming at 07.25 -- Retirement Times Are Different!!!!

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An American and an Irishman were enjoying a ride in the country when they came upon an unusual sight - an old gallows. The American thought he would have a joke on his Irish companion.   "You see that, I reckon," said he to the Irishman, pointing to the gallows. "And now, where would you be if the gallows had its due?"  "Riding alone," coolly replied Paddy.

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“Spoonerisms” are words or phrases where the order of the sounds is mixed up, such as flutterby for butterfly and ossifer for officer. You are no doubt very familiar with this sort of 'humourous mishap' that sometimes afflicts some people. The first example demonstrates the true words.......Can you figure the other three?

Tease my ears --- Ease my tears.
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A lack of pies ---
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It's roaring with pain ---
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Wave the sails ---
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Double glazing is doing great business in Scotland in the hope that the children cannot hear the icecream van when it comes round.

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"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
-Nelson Mandela

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The grammarian and the boatman
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A GRAMMARIAN once embarked in a boat. Turning to the boatman with a self-satisfied air he asked him:
            ‘Have you ever studied grammar?’
            ‘No,’ replied the boatman.
            ‘Then half your life has gone to waste,’ the grammarian said.
The boatman thereupon felt very depressed, but he answered him nothing for the moment. Presently the wind tossed the boat into a whirlpool. The boatman shouted to the grammarian:
            ‘Do you know how to swim?’
            ‘No’ the grammarian replied, ‘my well-spoken, handsome fellow’.
            ‘In that case, grammarian,’ the boatman remarked, ‘the whole of your life has gone to waste, for the boat is sinking in these whirlpools.’
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You may be the greatest scholar in the world in your time, but consider, my friend, how the world passes away - and time!

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Been a tremendous Day with the grandchildren! Weather 'held' even though it did look a little 'spoil-sporty' during the morning - not enough to deter us from going Strawberry picking (an munching). Ended up with three containers full....5 kilos in total....@£5 a kilo - a whacking £30. Delicious stuff; even I had some - not very keen on the stuff.
BBQ went very well....Son did the honours -- chicken, lamb chops, sausages and a few other niceties --- delicious salads....Great Feast!
After clearing up, the weather really 'set fare' and we ambled down to the beach...really wonderful....stayed there until around 7'ish, then home to get children to bed.
Gave me a chance to catch up on reading posts...not able to do much commenting; just wanted to keep 'tabs' of posts...Most of it, anyway!
Thanks......
Will pop in on the morrow....Hopefully!
In touch soon!

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This Should Keep You Amused.....

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
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A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
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Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
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Banning the bra was a big flop.
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Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
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Good Morning Blogland!
Just popped in to suggest that we may be well into DOG DAYS! I'm sure you know what these are --- No! Nothing to do with being 'down in the dumps'; who says dogs are 'down in the dumps'?
DOG DAYS are the hot, muggy days of sultry summer, associated by the Romans (dies canicularis) with the influence of the dog star, (Sirius) whichis high in the sky on summer days. Dog days are said to last for 'more than one month but less than two', from July until early September.
So I have learnt.....
Enjoy the 'Dog Days'......
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So! Being more 'Out' than 'In' this week-end, I leave something for your amusement...if not much else! No doubt there will be plenty on the Menu...even more delectable! In case you need something more 'tedious'
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(Linus gets glasses.)
CB: I'm sorry that you have to wear glasses Linus...
Linus: Don't feel sorry for me.. I can see things now that I never even knew existed before! Take Lucy for instance... for the first time I realize what a gorgeous creature she really is!
Lucy: Glasses haven't improved only his sight... they've also improved his sarcasm!

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How long should a good sermon be? It should be like a woman's skirt, long enough to cover the essentials and short enough to keep you interested!

(Attributed to Knox)

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Dear Mike,
I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbors daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor's daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore..

Can you please help?
Sincerely,

Sheila

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Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps,
Mike

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- Have a great weekend whatever car you are fixing!!!!

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It is not intended to continue ad nauseum with the 'goings-on' of my family, but son's young family are in transit at this time and will be staying with us again this week-end, thus a little more to say about our plans – weather permitting.
We should like to take the two lads – actually the entire family – strawberry picking on Saturday morning. There is quite a big farm very near us and it would be an immense treat for the youngest son who apparently loves strawberries.....Both his mother and his Granny love the stuff. They should be in their element. That would take care of Saturday morning.
If the weather holds there are plans for a BBQ, late afternoon, to celebrate our anniversary – in the event of inclement weather, we should be doing the 'cooking' in the over. We'd much prefer the BBQ, el fresco.
Sunday will probably be a rest and recovery day – so we hope, considering the inexhaustible energy levels of the young lads; otherwise, it will be another sortie to the beach....ten minute walk away. We shall see! They have to set off for the other Granny's later to prepare for school, next day. I am not sure how they will cope with the sort of 'nomadic' life until their 'goods' arrive. They are due to go on a fortnight holiday at the end of term....not sure how that will work out!
The big problem of living down at the seaside, during hot summer months – and being in retirement – is that one is inclined to get requests from occasional visitors of whom two couples are lined up for the next two weeks...after our dear little ones have re-located!
That's all for now, folks!
Enjoy your day......Hope it continues 'Summery' for you!

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After a car crash one of the drivers is lying injured at the side of the road. 'Don't worry,' said a policeman, a Red Cross nurse is coming to attend to you.'
Oh no,' groaned the victim, 'couldn't I have a blonde, cheerful one?'

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